i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
