Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
