i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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