Don't make out with my wife yet
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
