never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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