whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
