shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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