In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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