apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
