Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
