next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
