spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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