he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
