Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
