He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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