somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
