First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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