Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
