dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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