can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
