Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i've created a new STD.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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