im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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