You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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