Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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