Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
