You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
