You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
