did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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