$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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