omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
