how can u be prego again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
