He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
