It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
