I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
