Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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