one two three fourrrrnication!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
