last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
