I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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