I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
