You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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