My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
