I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
