The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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