barbara walters just said penis...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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