WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
