Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
