I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
