Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
