Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
