How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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