yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
