whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
