my phone needs a breathalizer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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