the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we're making bets on your personal life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
