Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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