Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
