Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
