she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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