All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
