So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
