Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
