I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
