New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
