Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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