She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
