While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
