the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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