Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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(989): View more from Michigan

i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???

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(330): View more from Ohio

I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

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(281): View more from Texas

Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

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(704): View more from North Carolina

My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.

(716): View more from New York

The apple don't fall far from that tree.

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(555): View more from

I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?

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