I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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